Au Pair #1:

Serious Viera was a twenty-four year old, eastern European seamstress who came to America with a secret plan. Viera was smart as a whip but only a fair au pair. After her year with us, she stayed in America, went to university, graduated cum laude and is now quite a success story. She was recently married and Viera is now, officially, a Jersey Girl.

Au Pair #2:

Big Kid Kim. Kim from New Zealand was the youngest of four girls from a sheep farming family on the South Island. She was happy-go-lucky and a terrible housekeeper. She played with my kids, was an excellent shopper and scraped the side of our car. She was with us for eleven months.

Au Pair #3:

Arriving in the dead of winter, Anxious Andressa had extreme culture shock. She came to America to improve her English and gain skills for better employment in Brazil. But Andressa was a girlie-girl and did not connect with my active boys. After three months, we re-matched and Andressa went to live happily with another family.

Au Pair #4:

Fashion-Forward Kiharu was our fourth au pair. We finally knew what a great cultural exchange the au pair program could provide. A Lucy Liu look-alike, Kiharu sparkled. She taught my boys Japanese and how to make sushi. She wore pointy shoes, funky hats and glittery eye make-up. Kiharu was a great au pair and now she is a successful fashion designer. She recently showed her dress collection at New York Fashion Week.

Au Pair #5:

Handsome Benny, a 21 year old very tall guy from Germany. Benny wanted to come to the U.S. to improve his English and experience America. Eventually, he wanted to study graphic design. While working as our au pair, Benny had a hobby that quickly blossomed into a career. In New York City, Benny was discovered as a male model. Handsome Benny moved to Milan after six months.

Au Pair #6:

After Benny’s sudden departure, we hired Messy Lenka. On paper, Lenka from the Czech Republic looked almost perfect. She was 26 years old and played ice hockey and soccer. But the match was not perfect. Within days of her arrival, she revealed a serious drinking problem and substantial emotional instability. After two months of partying, bizarre behavior and the occasional temper tantrum, we re-matched.

Au Pair #7:

Skinny Constance was our seventh au pair. Unfortunately, Constance arrived at my house one very sick girl. She had an eating disorder and despite our efforts to get her help here in America, she and her family decided that she had to go home for treatment. After three months, Skinny Constance went home.

Au Pair #8:

Mellow Sandy restored my sanity and my faith in the au pair program. At twenty-three, Sandy was from Germany and was very tall, blonde with olive skin and green droopy eyes. She was laid back and was very even tempered. She had an easiness about her that was very comforting. Sandy was a breeze. She loved our dogs almost as much as she loved our boys.

Au Pair #9:

Our ninth au pair was Jin Hee from South Korea. After she arrived, we knew almost immediately it was a disaster. There was a profound communication barrier. There was no chemistry. The match ended with ruined furniture and a broken arm (my son's).

Au Pair #10:

Our tenth au pair was Karin, a petite Angelina Jolie-look alike from South Africa. Karin had an American boyfriend who played with my kids. She was stunningly beautiful and she loved my boys. Her English was perfect. After seven months, Karin had to go home because her father died in a boating accident in a gaming preserve in South Africa.

Au Pair #11:

Next, we matched with Homesick Cynthia from Germany. Despite having a great relationship with my kids she couldn’t overcome her sadness of being away from her boyfriend back home. After she arrived, she spent hours on the phone and on the computer and she never got over her homesickness. After four months, Homesick Cynthia bailed.

Au Pair #12:

Our twelfth was Maria from Sweden.  She made friends quickly, was great with the kids and really easy to live with.  Maria was a good driver and best of all, she liked our dog.   Her family came for a visit this summer and we had a great time playing a Swedish lawn game called Kub. She recently started engineering school in Sweden.

Au Pair #13:

Connie from Germany was our 13th au pair. She was a fabulous au pair because she would play hours of Monopoly with the boys. But Lucky 13 she was not. When her parents found out that little Hank had the flu (we still don’t know if it was THE flu), they demanded that she jump on a plane and come home. She went from the pediatrician’s office to airport in just under 24 hours, leaving me without an au pair.

Au Pair #14

We had little time to rematch and hastily chose a 26 year old from South Africa who was desperate for a new family. She was overwhelmed and homesick caring for four children in California. In my house, she is underwhelmed and bored. She works hard to keep busy. If only I could spend two hours every day at the gym!